Chains
by RinxFallenAngel
Summary: When A young girl is placed in the asylum with adam, can she bring the real adam out, can she bring him back and be the only one Adam/OC Warning, Drugs, Sex, Rape, Abuse, Corse language.
1. Introductions

I had always connected with people that suffered emotionally, I have always wanted to be there for them, maybe that was because I could relate to them. You see when I was four my mother died in a car crash, my father now beat me constantly, he raped me and so on and so forth. The memories have been building up constantly over years, I suppose you could say it drove me insane. My evidence of this well I think all the evidence you need is the fact that I am now locked in an all white padded room. I of course had a roommate I suppose they were wishing to have us connect and get information from each other for them. My partner goes by the name of Amanda or Adam. But his true identity is Adam Jackson. Well I suppose I should introduce myself, My name is Alexandra Bell I am 19 years old and I ended up in here because I just happen to have an imaginary friend. I should introduce you to Adam now

Adam is a timid boy, he is very handsome but like me had lived a very abusive life. Amanda was there to protect him from those nasty persons. He was strong and sweet and kind. I was rather close to Adam you could almost go as far as saying love. I have been with him for awhile now and I have fallen for the Adam that is only shown rarely.

Well I hope you enjoy my writtings of me and Adam until next time.

Signed

Alexandra Bell

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….......

hi I hoped you liked it I will try and get more out next time ^-^ please let me know if you did.


	2. Fearful Memories

As I padded across the soft white walls I looked over at the boy in the corner, catching his green eye I cast a grin at him before plonking down onto the ground. " so adam" I said only to get snapped at him ' its amanda " he said. I smiled sweetly " of course my apologies" I replied. Looking into his ah… I mean her eyes and moved closer. "Amanda why don't I ever get to talk to adam?" I asked her as sweetly as possible. Crawling even closer to … them. " adam needs to be protected" he/she replied " of course but I wont hurt him you know that don't you" I said pouting cutely. Before I could react a hand wrapped around my throat " you will not bring adam into threat" she hissed I struggled against her hand clawing at it, memories racing before my eyes, adam was no longer adam he was my father as he shoved me down onto the bed hand overing my throat. Tears flooded my eyes blurring my vision. Struggling I ripped myself from her grip scampering back to the corner of the room. Looking over fearfully I noticed a glimour of someone else in her eyes.

Later that day I had remained in the corner glancing over at him every now and then. Fear crippled my body. The memories racing over my mind I couldn't take much more, all he did was stare. I covered my head with my hands closing my eyes tears dripping onto the white padded floor.

Hi soz it was so short I will try and get more out next time.


	3. Take Me Under

My mind was weak and fragile, one thing might just make me snap. Glancing back over to those ever staring green eyes I shiver rippled through my body. I felt hands everywhere just holding me down. The black paint covered the walls and my body. The violation dripped from my very core. Tears pricked at the corner of my eyes. How much more of this could I take?. This corner now belonged to me as I never moved from its warm hold. The white walls slowly bled harsh voices slicing at me with their cruel words. Those eyes continued to watch my every move never faltering for a second.

Now it seems I'm fading

All my dreams are not worth saving

I've done my share of waiting

And I've still got nowhere else to go

So I wait for you to

Take me all the way

Take me all the way

Shrinking further into my corner I heard the soft pads of footsteps as he mad his way across the room. Closing my eyes I tried to ignore it. When I felt his hand grip my hair pulling me up to face him I looked into his eyes. They were cold and ruthless, squeezing my eyes shut I prepared myself for what was to come. I felt his hand slide down my white dress and cup around my hip. " you are a threat to adam" I heard her cold voice " now I will teach you a lesson, I will train you to do as I say" I heard Amanda as he voice grew louder as her face came closer. The breath washed over my face and I flinched. My fingers and hands began to shake in fear of what I knew was going to come.

Push me under

Pull me further

Take me all the way

Take me all the way

Push me under

Pull me further

Take me all the way

Take me all the way

**Warning Lemon**

Her hand clasped around my throat, slamming me into the wall. I shivered as I felt her lips trail along my jugular, biting down a whimper escaped my lips tears tingling at my eyes. A small trail of blood trickled along my porcelain skin and over my breast. A ripping sound echoed in our white room. the cold air hit my breasts making my nipples harden. Their tongue trailed down to my nipples and bit down onto them. Another whimper rippled through my throat. The kisses ran down my stomach over my thighs and then back up them bit harshly onto my clit and let out a small cry of pain. I hesitantly opened my eyes and looked down at her only to flinch away when I saw the hard on in her pants. I tried to run when a hard grip clamped onto my leg dragging me to the ground. I watched terrified as she pulled out her member, my pussy was well lubricated with the blood from my engorged clit. Closing my eyes I prepared myself for the pain to hit. Then their it was like a jagged knife slicing large cuts on all sides of my pussy walls it burst through. A scream ripped from my mouth only to be silenced by a pair of lips. His member stabbed deeper ripping through flesh. Charging forward faster and harder. I felt his hands roam over my body and run down my thighs wrapping my legs around his waist allowing him to plunge deeper. I sobbed as tears stained the floor and blood dripped from my pussy. His body moved faster and harder. Slamming ruthlessly into mine. Soon he thrust in hard and deep holding still. I felt his seed spill right up into me. He pulled out and got up leaving me lying on the floor.. the blood leaked out and onto the white floor. I looked up into those cold green eyes.

**Lemon End**

Lunging forward a cold sweat coating me I looked around and noticed. Nothing was wrong. I could not feel pain over my body. It had never happened. But their it was again that feeling. Looking over I saw the cold green eyes watching my every move. A small smirk played on her red panted lips. " sleep well" she said coldly. I crawled back into my corner covering my head with my hands. My eyes sliding shut a single tear dropped down onto the ground.

Now it seems you're leaving

But we've only just begun

And you've still got nowhere else to go

So I wait for you to

Take me all the way

Take me all the way

Push me under

Pull me further

Take me all the way

Take me all the way

Push me under

Pull me further

Take me all the way

Take me all the way

And I've been waiting so long

And I've been waiting so long

And I've been waiting so long

So I wait for you to

Take me all the way


	4. Scared

I was loosing it.

Every night I came closer to the edge.

Every day I slipt a little further.

It was driving me insane, and those green eyes continued to just keep staring.

That pale skin was framed by that long waved brown hair. Those red lips taunted me with that smirk that never left them. I remained in my corner but the nights seemed longer. They stretched on endlessly and if I did manage to get an ounce of sleep it was only to awake screaming from nightmares. Her words echoed through my mind, she was telling me lies and stories, but my mind coudnt distinguish between what was reality and what was fairy tale. All I knew, was I heard it every night. The evil cackle of flames. The horrid screech of nails clawing. And the agonised screams on those dying. Or were they already dead?

At night I hear it creeping

At night I feel it move

I'll never sleep here anymore

I wish you never told me

I wish I never knew

I wake up screaming

It's all because of you

The night air was cold as I huddled in my corner. My breath rasped through my lungs and frosted infront of my face. Looking over to the other side of the room I caught that emerald gaze. Instentaniosly I closed my eyes and covered my ears trying to ignore everything around me. I tried to ignore the screams, the pleas, the cries. But they wouldn't end. Voices whispered to me. I thought I had finally gotten ride of her. There she was standing next to me in the corner the blood leaking for her face. Her evil smile, it was Samantha. They had told me she wasn't real just a confused figment of my imagination. But I knew better, she was really here standing before me and no one could tell me any different. ' can't you here them alex?' she hissed slinking towards me. ' they are screaming alex, won't you help them' she purred leaning down. Closing my eyes I tightened my hands over my head " g-go away" I whimpered. ' but alex,' she whined ' they are reaching for you, why don't you help them alex' she hissed once again. Tears leaked down my face and I began trembling. " g-go away" I said more firmly, I didn't notice the more solid footsteps heading my way, nor did I notice the now gently green eyes staring at me with concern and confusion. ' they scream, they beg, they plead. But still you just sit there and do nothing' she shouted. I tried to shrink into my corner almost half hoping that it would open and envelop me up inside its soft padded white sanctuary. The screams grew louder. The fire continued it laughing dance. " make it stop, make it stop, make it stop, make it stop" I continued to mutter to myself, a small scream escaped my lips as I felt cold hands clasp the sides of my face I renched away trying to struggle free. " alex, alex, alex" said a calmin male voice. My eyes flickered open to stare into familiar yet strange green eyes. " its alright alex I am here" he said.

So real these voices in my head

When it comes back you won't be

Scared and lonely

You won't be scared, you won't be

You won't be scared and lonely

You won't be scared you won't be lonely

That night was just a bad dream. Adam was still Amanda I was still In my corner but I hadn't seen anything of Samantha in awhile I was very thankful for that. But when I looked at the bruises on my wrists I began to wandered. Did that really happen or was it just another nightmare.

Its all because of you

I wish you never told me

I wake up screaming now

So real these voices in my head

So real these voices in my head

I wake up screaming now

I wish you never told me

I wish I never knew


	5. Never too late

Many nights had passed, the white walls were driving me over the edge. And those green eyes just continued to taunt me. My mind was beginning to unhinge, I wouldn't last much longer. I don't know why people were put in these soft white padded rooms half of the time they only made it worse. I knew they held no comfort, they didn't chase away the voice that visited my side every night. They didn't stop the pain inflicted upon me from those eyes. They held nothing but pain and insanity. They were so clean and white, but there was nothing pure about them , they held people against their wills. Pinning them down until they fully lost it and couldn't care anymore. I would soon be one of them I knew. I was slipping further. I was no longer needed in this world, no longer wanted. I didn't belong.

This world will never be what I expected  And if I don't belong who would have guessed it  I will not leave alone everything that I own  To make you feel like it's not too late, it's never too late

I just wanted it all to end. I wanted everything to disappear. I could take no more everything was driving me further to that cliff edge. Closing my distraught grey eyes I took afew deep breaths trying to calm down the storm raging within. Reopening them I only came to meet that smirking green gaze. Why did those eyes never leave me, why did they want me to suffer so. What had I done? I knew I could take no more. I longed for that darkness, for the cold hands to grip my deceased form. I wanted everything gone.

Even if I say it'll be alright  Still I hear you say you want to end your life  Now and again we try to just stay alive  Maybe we'll turn it around 'cause it's not too late It's never too late

My mind wandered over what everything used to be like. Imagining the green grass laced between my toes, the calming breeze washing over my skin. The warm sun leaking its heat into my frozen bones. How I longed for those days where I could go and hide out at that private meadow where even my darkest dreams couldn't catch me. Where everything was alright. A smile painting onto my face bliss feeled me. I knew this was what I wanted to see as the darkness came. Slamming back into reality all matter of peace was ripped from me. Afew tears tumbled down onto my lap, hiding my face behind my hair and tried to avoid anyone seeing this side of me. The side where I was infact the tiniest creature in the universe, where I was helpless, where the happiest thing could not revive me. No one could see what was happening, what was planned.

The time was coming soon.

No one will ever see this side reflected  And if there's something wrong who would have guessed it?  And I have left alone everything that I own  To make you feel like it's not too late, it's never too late

Looking down at my pale wrist I took that much needed breath. Closing my eyes I dug my nails into my skin, feeling them rip through the skin sending millions of tiny red shoots flying across my skin, I heard a gasp surface from across the room, ignoring it I began ripping my skin from my muscle severing the many artery. A small smile bloomed across my face as I felt the world growing cold, and here was my sanctuary in the arms of the cold reaper. The red liquid pooled around my body leaking across the white floor tainting it with the stories of my life. Lifting my wounded wrist I placed the nails of that hand on my other wrist, feeling them slice into that one a dark giggled protruded from my lips as my skin paled to white. My mind swam as the white padded floor came up to meet my head, eyes sliding shut I felt warm arms wrap around my deteriating form " its never too late" a soft male voice uttered a smile spread across my lips as the end neared and I uttered one last word.

" good night".

The world we knew won't come back  The time we've lost can't get back  The life we had won't be ours again


	6. Just a fleshwound

Black abyss is all that greeted me. Scrambling to my feet I spun around searching hoping to find something, someone. But there was nothing. Screaming with no sound I began to run tears leaked down my face, where was I? Was this death? All I knew was that I was surrounded by black with no chance of escape. _Please somebody help me._ My thoughts raced trying to find an answer a solution to what had happened but none sprang to mind. Closing my eyes and sinking to my knees from utter hopelessness I gave up, this was it and I knew it. I would be tormented here for the rest of my days.

_Lay down now_

_Close your eyes_

_Lost in darkness_

_Swimming in lies_

Every day came and went nothing changed in this dark place, it was endless. When wishing for death I had not hoped for this, I had hoped there would be nothing after death, I had hoped my torment would be over. Taking a final look I sighed, there was nothing here not even sound.

But that was when I heard it. My name echoed threw the darkness. The voice emanating this sound was male, it was soft and calm yet jagged as though he were crying. _"Alex please come back, I don't like seeing you hurt"_ he would whisper. I had no idea why he would react so because I did not know him… or did I? A flash of green shone in the darkness, it was those green eyes but the I noticed they were not taunting nor did they hold any malice, they were soft tortured and scared, alone. I began to run towards the eyes but they began to fade, getting smaller and smaller it seemed as though I was going no where. _**" no please don't go, please don't leave me alone here"**_ I screamed after them desperately trying to catch up with the disappearing eyes. Memories began to flash through the black abyss. There was the man I hated standing before knife in hand broken bottle in another, that was when the pain began as both those sharp objects began to dig into my skin, though I did not scream because this was to common now it happened to many times, this torture was never ending, I would never be safe from those items and the man who weald them.

_See the glint of silver_

_See the crimson_

_Rose petals fall drowning in the flood_

_Watch the blood_

_Let it drain_

_But I continue to say_

_Its just another wound_

Sitting down curling up into the fetal position, I had not heard that voice again and I was feeling more alone then ever. It was growing cold in this place and every day a new set of wounds would be inflicted upon me I wasn't sure how much more I could take, I knew this was not real but it sure did feel real. Looking around I noticed a red light in the distance I got up stumbling towards it, but once I saw what it was I ran the other direction. Fire began to surround me and I was cast in the firey infurno. A cold voice just laughed as I screamed writhing in agony.

_Scream, scream for me_

_Let me live your agony_

_Fight try to break it down_

_It's the pinnical of death_

_What a lovely sound._

Looking into the distance a white light began to form and I saw those green eyes reaching out towards them I whispered my soundless plea.

"_Help me"_


	7. Crawling

Shooting upright I glanced around the all white room, trembling I reached for the needles in my skin giving me blood, ripping them out I stumbled from the bed and out into the hall. Everything seemed just too surreal, was I dreaming? Adrenaline burst through my veins flowing like fire, beginning in a slow run I felt like there was something following me though I knew there was nothing. Shaking I continued to stumble blindly down the halls, there was something wrong here and I knew it, there was something wrong with me! Trembling I looked to the end of the hall and recognised the man who had caused all of this. He had caused me to be in the other white room with those haunting green eyes, his cold laughter sent a shiver of fear down my spin. " y-your not here this isn't real" I whispered crumpling to my knees hands over ears eyes wide in fear tears flowing freely. Why would he never leave me alone? I just wanted to be alone!

Crawling in my skin

These wounds they will not heal

Fear is how I fall

Confusing what is real

Trembling I rose blindly stumbling around, " g-go away" I whispered shaking my head. Leaning against a wall I screamed as the voices returned. " GO AWAY" I screamed slamming my fists into the wall, I spun around looking for an escape there was none " HELP" I screamed hoping to find something, someone. But there was no one but him. Blood coated my hands and I looked donw as saw his body on the ground the knife next to him, backing away I trembled " _**You killed me**_" he whispered " n-no i-it was an accident" I trembled backing away. I saw him reach for me I screamed.

There's something inside me

That pulls beneath the surface

Consuming, confusing

This lack of self control I fear

Is never ending, controlling

Eyes blank I stumbled down the long white halls, the walls bleeding red. Blood leaked down and dripped onto me and the ground, the walls were beginning to grow smaller, closing my eyes I choked back tears. The walls began rotating I clasped desperately for something to hold only to slid on the blood and fall back down as I was thrown around in rotating circles. Dragging myself forward I tried to find a route of escape only to see none. Trembling I dug my nails into the floor dragging across the red mess and continuing on. Soon giving up I curled into a ball tears running as screams echoed a long with the evil cackle of flames.

I can't seem to find myself again

My walls are closing in

(Without a sense of confidence)

(I'm convinced that there's)

(Just too much pressure to take)

I've felt this way before so insecure

Seeing a mirror in the wall I wandered over and looked at myself. My black hair fell deadly to my waste, blood leaked from my hands and face and eyes. A crawl smirk lay across my features a wild look in my grey eyes. I closed my eyes " that's no me" I whispered "_**oh but it is**_" came _her_ voice again "_**You killed him, you got out that knife and gutted your own father**_", " no" _**" oh yes but it is perfectly understandable after what he did don't you think?"**_ I shook my head. "_**You do remember what he did don't you?**_" she asked "_**here let me remind you**_". I spun around and looked around I was in a different room in the corner on the bed was… me? Then my father came in and it all started happening again. The rape the pain, the agony.

Discomfort, endlessly has pulled

Itself upon me distracting, reacting

Against my will I stand beside my own reflection

It's haunting how I can't seem to find myself again

I screamed before I felt warm hands clasp my shoulders I looked up into familiar green eyes but they were soft and comforting they brought me back to reality. " you are alright now" I heard _him_ whispered. " a-adam" I whispered.


	8. Breaking the habit

Finding safety and security in those strong arms looking into the soft green eyes. " adam" I whispered as I felt him pick me up and we began to wander along the now white halls. Everything was back to normal everything was fine when I was in his arms. Watching as we wandered I saw him turn into a room then I was placed back down my bed. Watching as he left I looked down. The noises began to come back, did they honestly think I was safe here by myself. Memories passed before my eyes as tears rolled down my face. Saw the bed I saw the blood. It was never ending the emotional wounds only digging deeper sending more blood to taint my mind. I saw his brown eyes as they grinned harshly at me. I could feel the hands roaming my body again, it was all happening again and all I wanted it to do was end.

Memories consume 

Like opening the wound 

I'm picking me apart again  

You all assume 

I'm safe here in my room 

Unless I try to start again

I scrambled off my bed as the images flashed around me I just wanted some one here for me someone who wouldn't use my emotions against me, someone I could trust. I wanted someone who would be there and would stand by my side even at the most drastic of my states. But I knew that would never happen there was no one that could understand, there was no one that would put up with that. No matter how much I hope for it I knew it would never happen. What was there left for me. What had I to live for why did they bother reviving me no one wants me here, I was unloved and un needed. Why did I exist was it just to take up space? I still couldn't remember what caused me to become the thing I am today, but I know I am not supposed to be this but I need somebody's help to change the way I am. I was lost in this bottomless pit slowly sinking lower I don't think anyone could save me now.

I don't know what's worth fighting for 

Or why I have to scream 

I don't know why I instigate 

And say what I don't mean  

I don't know how I got this way 

I'll never be alright

Crawling towards the white door I turned the lock and closed my eyes tears running down my face why did people have to keep saving me it only brought me back to the pain. I couldn't take it anymore, the pain was getting worse every breath broke a new fresh piece of flesh to my lungs sending blood spewing into my breathing. I would drown in my own blood and givin. Every moment tore my skin sending me into a new wave of pain. This was it I wanted the pain to end. Reaching for the needles I clutched my cure. Looking at the black liquid I prepared myself this would be it.

Clutching my cure 

I tightly lock the door 

I try to catch my breath again  

I hurt much more 

Than anytime before 

I had no options left again

I heard the door break down and looked up at see adam, his eyes widened when he spotted the needle in my hand. " p-please alex just put the needle down" he said moving closer the needle dropped from my grasp and clattered to the floor. Tears flooded my face as he pulled back up into his arms I sobbed into his strong musculear chest letting out all of the built up pain. I wished I could stay here forever in these arms I just wanted to let go and let everything I just wanted to let him hold me to help me through this pain. But I knew he wouldn't , no one ever would. No one wanted to hold dear something so broken. But then why was he here? Why did he act like he care? Was it even remotely possible that he really did? Was it possible we were meant for each other? Had I finally found my night in shiny armour? Looking up into those now soft green eyes I realized I had. I would be safe here. Safe from any manor of danger. I could stay locked in this tight grip for eternity. I was saved. A smile panted itself across my face, the first true smile that had been up there for awhile, I was truly happy to be here in this mans grip. To feel safe against his chest. Here I was home. He lifted me up and placed me atop the bed stroking my hair, softly I drifted into a sleep calmness washing over me.

I was home.


	9. Easier To Run

I lay atop my white bed as the dreams passed before my eyes. Ripping at the wounds, trying to open those places I had long forgotten. Tossing and turning I tried to re burry them under the memories of something else. I rolled into those strong arms of the man who lay beside me but these arms could not bring comfort to me and make what I was seeing disappear. I saw them. They were just standing there smiling at me. Squeezing my eyes shut I wished for them to disappear. A small whimper passed through my lips as the room steadily grew colder. The blood in my body froze as I felt his hand run through my hair, I tried to ignore it and pretend it wasn't there but I was having no such luck. Looking up into those grey eyes I had been running from for the past 12 years. Closing my eyes I tried to suppress what was right in front of me and think of the man hugging me to his chest to keep me safe and warm.

Something has been taken from deep inside of me

The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see

Wounds so deep they never show they never go away

Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played

I sat up and looked at adam who was lying next to me I lent down and kissed his brow " I am sorry" I whispered before I got up and left my hospital room, wandering down the scarily white halls I tried to get everything off my mind. I knew this was cowardly trying to run away from these things my this was the only way I knew how to get rid of it. I tried to numb down the pain in my heart of leaving adam alone in bed but I knew it was for the best. He would be in perminant torture if he stayed with me just like all of the others. I was not safe. So I continued down the hall pushing down the feeling of safety and leaving it behind with him. Glancing back I looked down " Goodbye" I whispered.

It's easier to run

Replacing this pain with something numb

It's so much easier to go

Than face all this pain here all alone

As I wandered I retraced my life in my head. Thinking over everything that went wrong and how it could have been prevented. I wish I could go back in time and change everything but there was nothing I could do, accept leaving now so no one would be traped in my web of lies. Why had I not stood up for myself and taken the blame that I so rightfully deserved. After all it was me who had done it. It was all my fault. I was like a boa constricter. Sucking the truth and the life out of everything around me. I was a lost cause.

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)

(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)

(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)

(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)

(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)

(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)

(I would take all my shame to the grave)

looking down at my hands I saw blood, his blood. I trembled and ran to the nearest fountain and began to wash at the profusely. Tears bled down my face as I saw his dead body staring back up at me. I stumbled away and onto the harsh gravel below me. " go away leave me alone" I shouted at him. Getting up and running I tried to break free from these memories. Trying to get away I clasped at things around me but nothing could save. Nothing could change what I had done. There was no going back, there was nothing left. Nothing could change the face that

I killed him.

My father.

Just washing it aside

All of the helplessness inside

Pretending I don't feel misplaced

It's so much simpler than change


	10. From The Inside

Trembling and shaking I remained a prisoner to the rains harsh stabs, my tears mixed with the clear liquid hiding how I really felt. How I felt lost and alone. Looking at the faces rushing past me, none stopped to help they all just continued on their way like I was invisible like the air around them. My trust had been worn dry, and the ounce of it I had left I didn't know who to place it with. Adam felt warm and safe but what would happen when Amanda came back, would I just be tossed to the side? I didn't seem to matter to anyone at all I was no needed in this wide world. Trembling I looked up as footsteps splashed through the puddles I spotted Adam. I felt him draw me into those perfect strong comforting arms, but I did not relax. How could I trust some one who could never be themselves. My memories ran before my eyes, I screw my eye lids shut and allowed Adam to carry me back inside to the warmth. But his dead face still lingered in my mind, he would not go away. I felt bits of me slowly breaking away and I watched them drown in the puddles. Little pieces of me being left behind in the chaos. It seemed that every time my life seemed to have made a turn for the best my father would spring back into my head again. Why couldn't he leave me be now even in death. I felt his spirit forever looming over me it would no dissipate. This seemed to the only thoughts that ever crossed my mind nothing else could invade my barrier. I was trying so hard to put my trust in adam but everything kept pushing away, I felt tired my efforts continued to fail. I felt him place me down on the soft cotton sheets of my hospital bed and come back with a cloth and began to dry my face of the rain droplets. I looked into his green eyes and I saw an emotion I could not recognise. It is one I had never felt nor is it one I have ever received but it seemed soft, gentle and warm. Closing my eyes as he wiped my face softly I contemplated the look on his face. Sighing I decided to let it be and relaxed. Soon sleep consumed me.

Eyes flickering open I was barely aware of the hand laced in with mine, I looked down and saw Adam. A smile rolled across my mouth before departing again. In the shadow of the room I saw my father, he was smirking he would never let me forget what I had done to him. Looking down my black hair fell around me in a curtain as I imagined the knife in my hands as it bleed the blood of my father. I remembered the light fade from his eyes as he stared in shock at me. I stared in shock at my own hand holding the tainted knife. How could I have done such a thing? The thing is I don't know how I could have done such a grotesque thing as mutilate my own father with a butchery knife, all I knew was it was me who had done it. I was the one at fault and nothing could change that. Snapping back into reality I glanced down at Adam and knew that he would be better off without me, but I still pondered why he wanted to be near me, why he would sleep here an entire night waiting for me to wake, or to run out into the rain in search of me. Many things about this boy puzzled me but I suppose I couldn't get past that. He like me was a mystery and no one could begin to unravel the broken functioning of our minds.

I felt so alone I was lost to the world. Looking out the window at the grey world I watched the rain fall to the grounds and shatter into many pieces in a way it was like my sanity. That had shattered a long time ago. I glanced down at the sleeping adam again and a slight smile drifted into existence but soon exstingiushed as he awoke. Looking into his green eyes I got lost in them and I began to hope and pray that this was the end of Amanda I don't think I could possibly face her again. She tore at me every time I did. I sighed and then turned from his ever watchful gaze. I could feel him staring at me and trying to figure me out, he never could considering I couldn't evern figure myself out. I felt his hands on my hips and I slowly swivelled around to face him, his eyes held that odd emotion again it bother me to not know what it was that he held towards me. " tell me what do you feel" I whispered to him watching his reaction intently. " I don't know it confuses me" he said. I frowned and watched him, he was truly odd but I wasn't really one to talk. I tried to find any trace of Amanda and was thankful I could not. He seemed safe to be around for now but if knew if he faded back into the deep cravases of his mind I would loose myself in this cold dark world. I would fall deep down never to be pulled back up. I knew I needed his help but I was too terrified to lay my hope with another only to have it shatter to before me once again I don't think I could take it this time. But that is when he did something odd, he pulled me to him so my head lay on his broad chest and he was stroking my hair in a way of comfort I got lost in the motion, safety wafted over me. Maybe he deserved one chance after all.

_**I don't know who to trust no surprise**_

_**(Everyone feels so far away from me)**_

_**Heavy thoughts sift through dust and the lies**_

_**(Trying not to break but I'm so tired of this deceit)**_

_**(Every time I try to make myself get back up on my feet)**_

_**(All I ever think about is this)**_

_**(All the tiring time between)**_

_**(And how trying to put my trust in you just takes so much out of me)**_

_**Tension is building inside steadily**_

_**(Everyone feels so far away from me)**_

_**Heavy thoughts forcing their way out of me**_

_**(Trying not to break but I'm so tired of this deceit)**_

_**(Every time I try to make myself get back up on my feet)**_

_**(All I ever think about is this)**_

_**(All the tiring time between)**_

_**(And how trying to put my trust in you just takes so much out of me)**_


	11. With You

I looked around my room, everything was blank. Nothing seemed to matter in here. They had put me and Adam in separate rooms they thought it was best for us. I had never felt so alone now that I knew what it was like to have someone special taken away from you. I missed him I would admit it, I felt like this was a cold dark wasteland where no life was when he was not here. I slowly sat up and placed my feet on the cold floor, pulling up I wandered around my lifeless room. I could no longer remember yesterday, or what happened, time seemed to be slipping away from me as I looked around the white, I looked to the corner and imagined him there so he would be with me and I wouldn't be so alone. I looked towards the door and saw the different food, piled on top of each other, I didn't eat anymore I just didn't feel the hunger at all. I closed my eyes and imagined the park, the birds singing the soft breeze flowing past me, but most of all I imagined his arms wrapped around my waist holding me tentively to him. So gently as though I would break at any moment. A small smile bloomed across my face and sighed a peaceful sigh but then it all faded and I was back in that white room. Looking down a single silver tear trekked down my face and dropped onto the floor, soon that one was joined by another, I felt my loneliness wrap around me and begin to consume me. Looking around my long black hair draped around my shoulders as the tears fell freely. I could see him every where I looked and every time I saw him it reminded of how alone I actually was. I was like one willow amongst a pile of ash. The one thing didn't matter when it was alone, it was just existing. Leaning against the padded wall I slid to the floor. Clenching my fist I lent my head against my knees and let the tears flow more.

_**I woke up in a dream today**_

_**To the cold of the static**_

_**And put my cold feet on the floor**_

_**Forgot all about yesterday**_

_**Remembering I'm pretending**_

_**To be where I'm not anymore**_

_**A little taste of hypocrisy**_

_**And I'm left in the wake**_

_**Of the mistake slow to react**_

_**Even though you're so close to me**_

_**You're still so distant**_

_**And I can't bring you back**_

I glanced around at my up turned room, my bed lay upside down. Closed my eyes only for his face to jump into sight. A strangled cry came out my mouth as I through my fist at the wall hitting it. I didn't know how much more I could take, he was every where. His sent was on the pillows from when he lay there with me. I screamed and punched the wall again I couldn't take it I needed to be by his side, without him I was breaking. I looked around my room pained, I sighed flopping to the padded ground, closing my eyes even if he couldn't be with my my spirit would be with him I wouldn't abandon him, no matter how much I hurt I was going to try and be there for him.

It's true the way I feel

_**Was promised by your face**_

_**The sound of your voice**_

_**Painted on my memories**_

_**Even if you're not with me**_

_**(I'm with you)**_

_**You now I see**_

_**Keeping everything inside**_

_**(With you)**_

_**You now I see**_

_**Even when I close my eyes**_

I looked down and thought of how I could get to see him again but nothing sprang to mind. I looked down again and sighed I was broken with out him, I knew I should never have gotten so attached to another. But now that I hd I needed him more then anything else and there was nothing I could do about it. That was when I realized what this feeling I felt was, it was so obvious now it only took me ages to figure it out because I had never felt it or received it before. What I now felt for Adam was love.

" I love you Adam Jackson" I whispered into the cold white room.

_**No, no matter how far we've come**_

_**I can't wait to see tomorrow**_

_**No matter how far we've come**_

_**I, I cant wait to see tomorrow**_


	12. One Step Closer

She glanced around everywhere but at the man before her. Wringing at her hands nervously she hated the man before her, he thought of her as nthing more than a nut job. She saw how he stared at her and the look in his eyes was nothing but assesive and he had cold harsh dark brown eyes that pierced right through you. She hid behind her long fringe as his piercing questions hit me harder. He kept bringing up all of her memories she kept harboured deep down inside of her, all she wanted to do was go and hide in Adam's strong protective arms, but she hadn't seen him for almost 3 months now. she missed looking into his eyes and feeling his touch against her's. she glanced up into those dark brown eyes again. They were as cold as before they didn't care about her, they only cared about their pay check and it showed through the questions he was asking just the harsh undertone in them it made her feel like she didn't matter and she knew she didn't, she didn't matter to anyone except Adam and the one person who she couldn't be with. She had asked many times if she could visit him and she heard of him asking about how she was as well. What she didn't understand is why they weren't allowed to be together. They said something about not wanting him to relapse and they apparently had her under suicide watch. What they couldn't seem to comprehend was the fact that they were pushing her towards suicide even more when they are separating her from Adam. As she sat there listening to everything he was asking her and the personal jabs he took at her emotions she wandered how stupid a psychiatrists had to be before they asked these types of questions. She looked up at him tears streaming down her face and she opened her mouth to speak the only words she would have said in a month " I want to see Adam" she whimpered before covering her heads with her hands and the scars form when she tried to commit suicide shone in the light. They were jagged and harshly pale. The silver tears ran down her face and sparkled under the light she felt so alone in her room of white. It started to bring back her the voice in her head. She curled into herself and closed her eyes wanting nothing more then the voices to stop she hated it here by herself. The voice echoed inside her head _" he doesn't want to see you and you know it!" _she said, closing her eyes alex responded _" yes he does he said he loves me and I believe him" _ her body began to tremble under the harsh words. Everything the voice was saying made her doubt everything that she thought to be true she never thought of herself as insane before but she was beginning to consider the concept now. she trembled more before her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she collapsed unconscious she could take any of this anymore it was all pushing to the edge taking her one step closer.

I cannot take this anymore 

I'm saying everything I've said before 

All these words they make no sense 

I find bliss in ignorance  

Less I hear the less you'll say 

You'll find that out anyway (Just like before)  

Everything you say to me 

(Takes me one step closer to the edge) (And I'm about to break) I need a little room to breathe 

('Cause I'm one step closer to the edge) (I'm about to break)

curling up in a ball in her all white room her thoughts jumbled together and nothing made sense anymore. She felt lost and broken she needed some one there to pick up the pieces. Trembling tears flooded onto the floor around. She wish it would all stop and just go away. She wished she was never born and wished it would just end, wanting to disintegrate into the ground and not exist anymore there seemed no other way out of this horrid place.

Hearing the door opens he looked up and saw people come in with a white shirt, she scrambled backwards and into the corner trying to escape as they were bringing the strait jacket towards her. Tears ran faster down her face as her heart pounded in her chest fear gripped her body she shook her head no not wanting that cruel harness placed around her. My memories flashed before my eyes I wish none of this had happened I wish the blood did not stain my hands . I wished I was not the one to stop my father's heart bear. It was all reflex to get away but it was still my hands his blood stained and now I was paying for it with my sanity. I struggled with small whimpers as they wrapped the cruel white harness around me. Tears rolled even more freer then before I was now stuck and surrouned but everything that was utterly white I couldn't take it anymore nothing seemed to make sense. My life didn't matter it made no sense and wasn't make anything of itself. Looking into the eyes of my captures I knew they felt the same and I knew all of them wished I didn't exist they all thought it would make their lives that much easier if they were to just find me dead one day lying on this pure white floor dead painting the floor red once again but they couldn't let that happen no matter how much they wished it would. They had to restrain most of them when hoping for my death were only hoping for it for their greater benefit not to put me out of my mysery because to them I was nothing I ment nothing I was never going to mean anything or make anything of myself. I was a usless thing that just took up time and space none of them really cared that is why they wouldn't put me with Adam because he had promise and I didn't so they didn't want me poisoning his pure mind. But just because Amanda wasn't out at the moment doesn't mean she wouldn't ever come back because I knew better if knew she would be back and I wanted to be with him before she came back and took over him compeletly. I now knew how I felt about him. I loved him and never wanted to be parted form him ever again I needed him to live my life. I couldn't make it with out him because with out him my life ment nothing I was just one more nut job sitting alone in an all white room in an all white outfit with a cruel white harness suppressing them with no hope of getting any better. I needed him and I was going to see him if it was the last thing I did.

I find the answers aren't so clear 

Wish I could find a way to disappear 

All these thoughts they make no sense 

I found bliss in ignorance  

Nothing seems to go away Over and over again 

(Just like before)  

Everything you say to me 

(Takes me one step closer to the edge) (And I'm about to break) 

I need a little room to breathe 

('Cause I'm one step closer to the edge) (I'm about to break)


End file.
